


i've got that good girl faith

by orphan_account



Series: 1989 drabbles [1]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-03
Updated: 2014-11-03
Packaged: 2018-02-23 22:13:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2557598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There’s something about Elizabeth Childs that keeps Alison coming back, after every fight and every break-up and every hoarse-throat scream.  She thinks it’s the way there’s always something that says don’t go. It’s the tears welling in Beth’s eyes, or the way her voice cracks when she says we’re done. </p><p>Alison shows up at her door the next day, and Beth welcomes her in and they both say I’m sorry. Things are okay, for now. Beth kisses her and it’s too sweet, too perfect, but Alison is too scared to say anything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i've got that good girl faith

**Author's Note:**

> so begins a series of drabbles based on the album 1989 by taylor swift! i'm gonna try to write a soccer cop drabble for every song i see fit for soccer cop (i think there's nine). i'm not sure if or how they'll be connected, but it will be an Adventure.

There’s something about Elizabeth Childs that keeps Alison coming back, after every fight and every break-up and every hoarse-throat scream.  She thinks it’s the way there’s always something that says don’t go. It’s the tears welling in Beth’s eyes, or the way her voice cracks when she says _we’re done_. 

Alison shows up at her door the next day, and Beth welcomes her in and they both say _I’m sorry_. Things are okay, for now. Beth kisses her and it’s too sweet, too perfect, but Alison is too scared to say anything.

 Alison wakes up and is surprised to find Beth still there next to her. She wonders foolishly if this is it, the last time Alison comes back to Beth with her heart on her sleeve. If this is when things become stable. If this is when they realize that they’re just going in circles, and for once in their lives, they stay. 

She knows its not.  Alison shakes her head, laughing at herself in Beth’s bathroom mirror. She’s still holding on to this fairy-tale fantasy of a happy marriage and sitting on the porch at eighty-five, still next to Beth.

 She chastises herself, reminding her reflection that her visions will never happen, that she’s lucky enough to have Beth in the on-and-off way that she does. Still. There’s a little hope left. They always come back, don’t they? Through all the dark times there was always an element of coming back, and then they’d peak with a perfect night before plunging back into a break-up. A few days or weeks or months later, someone would apologize, and the cycle would begin again. It was viscous, and rarely rewarding, but Alison has never left. 

When she walks out of the bathroom, Beth’s waiting for her. Alison swallows, talks quickly, before Beth can say something that makes her want to stay. 

“I have to go,” Alison says simply. 

Before Beth can react she’s stormed out the door. It’s for the best, Alison figures. Better to leave while she’s ahead, while she realizes what’s going on. Before things can fall apart again. Even though they were just getting better. She can't risk it, however much she wants to.

 Alison walks out. She walks for a while, until she forgets what Beth’s voice sounds like when she’s screaming. At some point, she stops on the side of the road and half collapses on a little park bench. It occurs to her that it’s raining, and that she hadn’t even realized it was growing dark. Alison can’t bring herself to care. At some point Beth calls her. 

“Where the hell are you, Ali?”

 “I’m fine,” Alison says.

 “Where are you?”

 “I’m- I’m not sure,” Alison admits. She glances at a street sign next to the crosswalk. “It’s the, uh, the park by Main and Harrison.”

 “I’m coming,” Beth says, with a finality that tells Alison not to argue.

Twenty minutes later Beth pulls up on the curb. They’re the only ones outside (the only ones insane enough to be out in this weather). It’s way too quiet, and every one of Alison’s sobbing breaths sounds like something being torn away. She falls into Beth's arms like she's clutching a lifeline. Slowly, she is able to calm down, crying turning to muffled sniffs. She's soaking wet and shaking, and she feels like this might be the last time Beth comes to bring her back. She hopes so. 

Alison hopes that when she gasps _take me home_ into Beth's ear that Beth knows she isn't saying _take me home to your bedroom_. She's saying _take me home to your couch, to bad late-night television and even worse jokes. Take me home to wondering why I ever questioned a happy ending. Take me home to waking up and rolling into your neck. Take me home to laughing until I cry. To happiness like fireworks and kisses like flame._

_Take me home to you._

**Author's Note:**

> "I've got that good girl faith and a tight little skirt  
> and when we go crashing down  
> we come back every time  
> 'cause we never go out of style"  
> -"style," taylor swift


End file.
